Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Fat kid loves cake

I was always a big kid from about age 8.  When someone called me fat or made fun of me, I got them back.  I ate more.  My grandma used to hide her Little Debbie snack cakes from me and my cousin while she was at work.  It was our mission to hunt those babies down and devour every.single.one.  I was at around 180 pounds in 9th grade and my gym teacher pushed us hard.  We had PE every other week and most of the time we ran...then ran some more.  I could do a mile in about 11 minutes, whoop whoop.  I started eating only grapes, strawberries, cucumbers and vinegar, spinach or greens from a can and lost down to 145lbs.  I wore a comfortable 11 or a skin tight 9.  Remember those colored jeans in the mid 90s?  I wore a size 9 in those once lol.   That lasted about a year. 

When I was 16, I went to school, came home and scarfed down supper my grandma had made, then went to work.  We were a meat and potatoes household and I love me some homemade mashed potatoes dipped in fried cube steak.  I'm drooling thing about it.   The school lunch was horrible, so I would buy a slice of pizza, fries, and a gigantic chocolate chip cookie almost daily from the school canteen.  It was "low fat" b/c I wrapped the cheese around the fries and tossed the crust.  I worked fast food, so had access to chicken nuggets, apple pies, and other goodies before they were thrown out at night.  Guess what I worked?  I kept it at around 170-180lbs.  I was in JROTC and my grandma said my uniform kept getting tighter and tighter. 

When I met my current hubby, I was 20 and in an XL/16.  I had two kids both by c-section 15 months apart.  I gained 80 lbs with my daughter and lost most of it.  I ate healthy portions of meat and veggies and tons of fruit and water with her.  With my son I was tired.  I had a 6-mo old baby, I worked full time, and I was pregnant again.   My daily craving at work were a microwaved moon pie and a mountain dew.  Seriously, my coworkers had them on my desk every morning.  You want me to move your project in, oh you brought me lunch, ok top of the list!  I gained 60 lbs and kept all of it on.  I was given a prescription from my OBGYN, Meridia but the co-pay was $100 and the leaking side effects were not worth it.  I also joined LA Weight Loss but it didn't help either.  I was admonished for eating shrimp and chicken in the same meal like a 5 year old and I quit.  I kept it around maybe 240-250.

Two years ago my appendix ruptured.  After waking up on a Saturday morning, my cat walked on me and it felt like an elephant with claws so I went to the ER.  I had an abcess the size of a football and had surgery to remove it.  My gallbladder went bad at the same time, but I was too sick to have both removed.  I lost about 30 lbs and 3 months later had my gallbladder removed.  Recovery was very smooth with the gallbladder surgery, but I blew up like a balloon weight wise.  My stomach looks like the goodyear blimp that got attacked by Freddy Krueger.

That leads up to my current situation.  I hit the 3-0-0 mark.  My rolls have rolls.  I'm tired of being fat.  I work full-time but have no insurance and probably won't anytime soon.  I support 4 people and 2 cats and bought a new house last year.  When I stress I eat and I stay stressed all the time.  Last year for my daughter's birthday we went to Carowinds and I cannot fit my butt or chest into most of the awesome roller coasters.  This Saturday we are chaperoning a school field trip and I get to sit and watch.  It's embarassing for me and I know it is for my daughter.  She is my mini-me.  I also love waterparks and  last year had a season pass.  When me and one of my kids or sister would go down and it said 400lb limit I'd be thinking "don't even say thing to me" instead of thinking of having fun.  Starting this year, I want to have fun not fat.  Ok, one more confession.  All of my pics are ALWAYS taken chest up and I suck in all the time.  I also don't allow my glasses in photos.  You'll see that in my before-before photos.  What I post from now on is the real deal.  Just remember that when you OMG!

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